Review – R.I.P.D.

My cousin is a painter, and he was telling me of a tactic that he and his fellow tradies employ when they are facing a potential job that appears to be more than it’s worth. What they do, y’see, is tack on an extra 20% or so, so that if the customer hires them, they at least get properly compensated for the impending clusterfuck they’ve set themselves up for. Asshole tax, for lack of a better description.

I have no doubt that the creative team behind R.I.P.D. went to the moneylenders and tacked on as much a premium as they thought they could get away with. Or, at least, I hope so. And I dearly hope that the actors asked for their cut of the asshole-tax portion of the reported $130 million budget for this film, because frankly, if Jeff Bridges, Kevin Bacon, Ryan Reynolds and that chick from Weeds didn’t make some serious bank here, then they need to have their agents kneecapped.

Robert Schwentke directs this odd-couple action comedy, with Reynolds playing a cop who gets shot by his crooked partner (Bacon), and, in order to stave off final judgement, accepts a ‘purgatory’ of sorts with the R.I.P.D. (The Rest in Peace Department – an other-worldly police force staffed by dead cops, tasked with capturing and eliminating the deceased that refuse to pass on and instead hang around causing strife on earth.) Reynolds gets paired with Bridges, a rootin’ tootin’ Texas Marshall marinating in varmint swagger from the 1800s, and together they end up having to save the world from Reynolds’ still-living crooked former partner. Big surprise there.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. It’s not that R.I.P.D. is bad. It’s not that it’s the same story as a million other films. It’s just so nauseatingly, frustratingly dull. It’s the cinematic equivalent of missionary sex with the lights off under the covers. With a soft moan as the safety word. It’s yet another sloppy comic book adaptation, to be consigned to appearing on 7mate every three weeks as soon as it’s quietly exited the cinemas. Bridges tries, oh god does he try, and Reynolds plays the same wise-cracking smart-alecky not-quite-alpha-male that he always plays, for all it helps. I wanted to like this film. I unashamedly love crap films that have no pretence about being anything but an enjoyable laugh that doesn’t engage too much of the brain, but this was a stretch. There’s nothing wrong with a paint-by-numbers simplistic date-night film to occupy a couple of hours, but the best part of the experience was visiting Nordburger a half-hour after leaving the cinema. Herr Schwentke might want to not bother about making sure he’s in Hollywood for the Oscars next year.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X07xNrVd7DU&w=400]